Catching Up

I’ve not written in a while. I got the flu last week and now my husband has it. Four days into the flu and I had to go to the ER with more anal swelling and pain. This time, it looked like a small hole was forming on my anus. The ER did a CT scan with dye contrast and found sigmoid colon and anal swilling/thickening with colitis. There was also scarring found and a 1cm benign looking cyst on my right kidney. So, I’m off the Ibuprofen and Minocycline and on Flagyl and Cipro instead for 10 days. The ER also said I possibly have hidradenitis on my anus and anal fissures.

Day one and two of the new antibiotics made me very sick. I was dizzy, seeing spots, and having pain behind my knees and hip joints with lower back pain. The pharmacist told me it was a reaction to Cipro and to stop it and speak to my doctor. I am taking the Flagyl with no issues, but my anus hole is bigger and itchy. I’m hoping it’s just draining and getting better.

I saw my doctor today and a counselor. My doctor said I need to have a colonoscopy asap and is sending me off for that soon. He said there is no way to know what’s going on for sure without one. My anal sores may not be HS because, he said, crohn’s and ulcerative colitis can cause the same issues. He urged me to at least take one Cipro pill a day on top of the Flagyl to get the swelling to go down. I also met with a counselor about depression. I am crying all the time and have so much anxiety and chronic pain that I am feeling hopeless and suicidal. I could never kill myself, but the thoughts keep coming. Since I have chronic pain as well, my doctor put me on 60mg of Cymbalta a day to take care of depression, anxiety, and pain. It won’t take all the pain away (only about 30% or more), but any relief in pain is better than none.

The last hour of my 3 hour appointment was meeting with a woman to apply for disability Medicaid. I have a good case, but it can take a few months to get approved or denied. I am praying for approval. I am paying $25-75 a month for medical care at the doctor, have hospital bills adding up (I hope they go away with approval for patient assistance), and I am paying out of pocket for all medications. I am thankful most are below $20 each, but they add up and we are on a fixed income.

I’m still taking a probiotic and trying to eat right. I have lost a couple more pounds and want to go back to the gym as soon as we get a car in a few months. I also pray throughout the day/night and wish so much for healing. I need my mother right now more than anything, but we no longer speak. I believe she is going through her own depression and worry about her. We may not talk, but I still love her and worried about her. I really miss her support right now and that’s also a depression factor. I feel as though I already mourned her death. I know she is alive, but it doesn’t feel that way anymore. I am sorry to bring this up, but it’s been heavy on my heart and mind lately.

I’m keeping this short to get some rest. My head has been so foggy and I’m having headaches lately that I can’t remember simple words for some things. I’m not sure if it’s medication, stress, depression, or a combination of all of it. If anyone reads this, please pray for me. I can’t take much more. Allergies, arthritis, scoliosis, eosenophiic esophagitis, Hidradenitis Suppurativa, possible crohn’s or ulcerative colitis, possible celiac disease, depression, anxiety. Jesus, make it stop!

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